You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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