i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize