he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize