Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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