My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
