Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
