smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
