I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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