I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
