and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
