My sheets look like a crime scene.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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