everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
