U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
