Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize