I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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