I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
