Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
