If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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