miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
