I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
