My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wear drunk well.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
