Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
