I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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