Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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