I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
