I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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