Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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