If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
