I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
