yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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