Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
