I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
