i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
