You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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