Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
