The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
