I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
