I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
