Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
