im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize