i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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