I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
