I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize