hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
