Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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