he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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