Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
