I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
