i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
