At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
