$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
