you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
