The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
