i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
