Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
