i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
