All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
