trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize