Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
