I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
