ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
