You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
