She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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